[[
He’s looking out the window for something to arrive.
I don’t know how he reacts when he sees me, or if he sees me at all.
]]
Now, now, calm down, breathe between your words.
sorry. im so sorry. im so sorry
It's okay. What were you doing?
sorry. like, cooking. he was with me there and i was cooking
[[
The place is a mess.
Despite not eating, the dishes are stacked unwashed.
Despite losing Amon, they remain looking.
Despite the rejection of life, they remain living.
]]
Yeah?
eggs and mushrooms and our tomatoes. he was just looking out the window.
oh, fuck, dude. he’s gone, he’s gone, im so, so, so sorry
What do you mean, he’s gone? Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?
Like, I want to believe you, but a lot happened here, and I know you get overwhelmed. You’re only one person, Carey.
no, dude, just, fucking listen to me !!!
he fr fr fr fr fr FOR REAL just vanished !!!
Huh?
like dude, he just went !!!!!
Are you sure?
[[
It’s not easy being here, earnestly. This is the world they have created, two rooms, almost unlivable between them. There is a discomfort within the execution of their imagination.
The walls are angular, cutting in on themselves, making each corner a journey into teritorial shadows. They can’t see across their own room.
I feel I should be sorry for them.
I don’t know what to say to him.
]]
yeah, dude!!!!
the ring broke and i looked at him and he wasn’t there, he was
looking at me. he was
asking me not to cry. i’m so sorry dude
Carey, listen, people don’t just go missing-
where would he be, dude!!!!!!
I don’t know! I’m trying to help you! Carey, you’ve been AWOL for, fucking, you know! Nobody’s heard anything from you! We want to help you!
Sorry.
it's ok
I shouldn't have shouted.
Who was he?
Carey? Who was Amon?
like, he was Amon, right?
like, Amon. he was here forever, he was here for a moment. we’d just spent the last week, or while, or month, or whatever just, like, vibing, dude.
there’s nowhere for us to go in this world. like, the light is gone and the seas are flooding. what do you expect
Yeah, I get you.
so we were just like,
‘let’s just hang out, right?’
that’s all we were, just hangin out.
cooking for each other. cozy. and Amon said he wanted to be here, with me, and nowhere else. he’d read and like, we’d hold each other, and like, dude,
the ring broke, dude
like. it was nothing but it was also the most precious thing in the whole universe.
y’know when ur dissociating and like, reality gets difficult to follow? like, who is who, who did you have this conversation with before, who said what, what day it is, etc etc
i kinda feel like that this little ring was everything he was, dude. the time we spent together was ephemeral and strange and
Hey, breathe, yeah?
[[
I refuse to feel sorry for him.
]]
yeh
i’m sorry, man. this sucks. im just, sorry
Have you eaten?
[[
When we walk, it’s the same. Directionless but angled. Shifting, shifting, shifting. He misses Amon a lot, obviously.
]]
What do you want to get?
i’m sorry. idk. can we go ? please ??
You need to feed yourself. C’mon, Carey.
i do not want to eat
You can’t do this forever.
i do not want to eat. the ring broke. i do not like it here
[[
When we walk, it’s the same.
Directionless but angled. Shifting, shifting, shifting. He misses Amon a lot, obviously.
]]
You need to feed yourself. C’mon, Carey.
Huh?
i wanna go
Yeah, sure.
What’s happening, Carey? I’m trying to help you, man.
i don’t owe you shit rina. im just tired
Why are you making me caring about you so difficult!
[[
The universe is a living thing.
It raptures some, only to continue the transfer of energy between all. We are bound to this universe, right? Bodily, bloated animals. We want to know, even consume every element.
Animals.
I’m really tired. I thought he’d be weak enough to come over willingly.
Animals.
We are domesticated by this universe, by its laws, by the darkness of night, by the light of day.
There is no room for uncertainty.
]]
Listen, listen to me. Carey. You can’t keep up with this self pitying shit.
There are stages to grief, and you need to start to let go. You need to do these things one step at a time. You can’t expect them all of yourself simultaneously.
[[
Knowing it all, Carey looks boundless. A strange fatigue, a strange exhaustion, an unlimited looking.
I don’t know how to feel about this.
I will not sympathise with him. The part of me he brings up hurts to think about.
]]
shut up rina
[[
What God does this to a person? But then again,
what animal reacts in such a way?
]]
where are you taking me
Town.
why
i wanna go home
We’re going to town, Carey. We’re gonna look for Amon for a bit, okay?
[[
I, really hope I'm doing the right thing.
]]
fr?
Do you know much about his living situation? Before you met, I mean.
你 什 么 都 感 觉 不 到
あ な た は 何 も 感 じ ま せ ん
i have been waiting like this forever i promise you im closer than you think i know you will remember me, Carey
你 什 么 都 感 觉 不 到
あ な た は 何 も 感 じ ま せ ん
i am standing, watching you i will stand, waiting for you, i will remain waiting for you.
You’re still going to have to let all of this go, sooner than you want to admit.
But i will be here, waiting
你 什 么 都 感 觉 不 到
あ な た は 何 も 感 じ ま せ ん
Carey
can you hear me yet?
You’re moving into a part of the world I cannot protect you from.
I’ve been leaving
for the last week, or while, or month, or whatever now.
I’ve been reclaimed.
Carey, you are going to be alone
Carey, you can still escape
Do you know what it feels like to be eaten by the machine that made you?
It’s grotesque, it’s alive, a lying, living, breathing machine.
it hurts, Carey
You’re going to have to survive it.
hey where’s the bus driver
Please. Carey Please don’t get on the bus
[[
Oh, the spirits are active tonight. I thought he was gone completely. Don’t make this more painful than it already is
]]
rina?
Carey, my love, I can’t beg. I can only ask you to hear me.
I’m sure he’ll show up.
And plus, free tickets.
Please. Carey. No. Carey, listen to me.
Carey.
yea fair enough
Carey. Carey
Please
It’s okay to make mistakes just please listen to me carey please
Carey
Carey
Please
Please
Please PLease please please
